Stop Making Me Feel Bad, Robots!
And other musings on feeling like an imposter
Hi friend!
You know what’s really stressful? When the robots at Substack tell you that you haven’t written a blog in a month. Even more stressful is when you hit the two month mark and the Substack automatons get even more feisty. Perhaps the Substack product designers love the concept of behavioral nudges, but man, these nudges sure can make a gal feel bad!
Already, so many of us feel like we aren’t hitting the mark. That we could be doing a better job than what we’re currently doing. That we don’t belong in the position we are in and that those around us are better than us. That we got to where we are because of some oversight or fluke decision. We don’t need a darn robot to remind us of our “less than” feelings!
I’ve been thinking a lot about imposter syndrome lately. In past blogs, we’ve talked about overconfidence bias and attribution theory as two reasons why it’s hard for people to hear constructive feedback.
According to behavioral economists and psychologists, we often overrate our abilities (overconfidence bias) and attribute our wins and successes to our own intrinsic genius (attribution theory). Yet, in practice in my classroom or in a workshop when we talk about these two concepts, people bring up the exact opposite. People talk not about a sense of overconfidence, but rather of a deep fear that what they’re doing isn’t good enough. They expect feedback to be negative because they don’t think their performance is ever where it could be. Overconfidence bias and attribution theory just don’t seem to resonate. But imposter syndrome? Most of the people I speak to immediately glom on to that!
And, if you’re a manager, imposter syndrome seems to go hand-in-hand with the role. That’s often because we are put in the position of management without the training or tools to be successful, and we constantly feel like our team members are going to figure out that we have no idea what we’re doing. Couple that with the fact that managing is fundamentally about relationships and human nature (which are unpredictable, complex, and irrational), many managers are gripped with a daily sense of not being good enough at what we do.
But what is imposter syndrome and how should you self-diagnose if you “have” it? (Because doctors like nothing more than when we read something on the internet and then diagnose ourselves :)
Well, the answer to that is a bit complicated. That’s because, though imposter syndrome, a terms first developed by Suzanne Imes, PhD, and Pauline Rose Clance, PhD in the 1970s, is used to describe high-achieving individuals (often women) who cannot internalize and accept their success or abilities, more recent work looks to move away from diagnosing one as “having” imposter syndrome.
Let me explain three nuances to imposter syndrome that may be helpful to keep in mind…
Imposter Feelings vs Syndrome: If you have moments of self-doubt, or thoughts of not being good enough or worthy, don’t diagnose yourself as having imposter syndrome. You have imposter thoughts or feelings - these feelings may come up in certain circumstances, as opposed to pathologizing these thoughts into who you are or what you “have”. There are likely other scenarios and situations in your personal and professional life where you feel confident, competent and more than worthy. By giving ourselves the diagnosis of a “syndrome” we don’t allow for the temporary or contextual nature of these feelings (more on thoughts vs. syndrome here).
One thing you can do to help with these feelings is to be attuned or aware of what situations trigger these imposter thoughts. What dynamics are at play? Perhaps it’s when you get a new direct report. Or when you manage someone who is older or more experienced than you. How can you address these feelings on a specific basis as opposed to just thinking that you are always an imposter?“Imposed” Imposter Effect: With imposter syndrome, there’s the assumption that the effect is self-driven - we feel unworthy or incompetent in what we do. But what about the “imposed” imposter effect, where there are structural and systemic biases in place that make us feel like imposters because others perceive us as imposters? Our work context or the world might impose the imposter effect on us (see here for more on this phenomenon).
A reader, Rebecca Ditsch, far more eloquently and poignantly summed up this imposed imposter effect: “I'm a Black woman, first generation college goer, and Ivy League law school grad. I have never felt I didn't belong somewhere, or that people around me would find out I didn't know my stuff/deserve to be there. I have, at times, felt *others* didn't believe I belonged or deserved the place I was occupying.”Benefits of feeling like an imposter: According to recent research (by the fantastic Basima Tewfik), imposter thoughts and feelings actually bring about key advantages to an individual. Having some imposter thoughts makes individuals more “other-oriented” and therefore more focused on relationships and more interpersonally effective. When we have moments of self-doubt, we may be more likely to rely on inquiry rather than advocacy, we may allow ourselves to be more vulnerable, and ultimately take a more powerless communication approach to how we lead. These are all ingredients to being a great manager who invokes trust, closeness, and openness with their team members!
As a manager, imposter feelings may rear their ugly head more frequently than not, AND, you may encounter these imposter feelings in the people you manage. Hopefully you can both better manage yourself when these feelings come up and better manage your team members by recognizing some of the nuance in what imposter syndrome is (and isn’t).
I want to end with a quote from actor Jennifer Coolidge (of Legally Blonde, American Pie fame) where she alludes to these “imposed” imposter effects and the impact it’s had on her:
“If I'm not getting great roles, I come to the conclusion that people think I'm incapable of that. And then I make the decision that I am incapable of that. You actually have to have a [White Lotus creator] Mike White that comes in and says, 'I think you can do this.’”
- Jennifer Coolidge on being overlooked in Hollywood and landing her Emmy-nomination earning performance in HBO’s The White Lotus.
Thanks for reading and happy August!
Rachel
Some more fun info to chew on:
Guess whose birthday it is? A year ago, my labor of love, Bringing Up the Boss: Practical Lessons for New Managers, entered the world. If you’d like to partake in the birthday celebrations, a gift I would SO appreciate would be for you to leave a rating on Amazon or Goodreads about the book. I promise, it will take only 30 seconds and will be much much appreciated. (An even nicer gift to celebrate the occasion? Purchase for a friend or colleague!)
Our First Work Friends: I loved reading this article and reminiscing about my first work friends and how they shaped my experience at my first job. Amidst the doldrums of August, perhaps reach out to some of your first work besties to say hi and remember the wacky things you did when you first entered the workforce!
Just when we thought feedback couldn’t get any more important: Recent research from language and AI company, Text.io, looked at over 25,000 feedback conversations and performance reviews and found that managers are frequently biased in how they give feedback. Women and people of color are far more likely to receive feedback that is not actionable, speaks about personal characteristics and as such, doesn’t provide opportunities for growth and development. A must read for any manager, especially those with performance reviews on the horizon!
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You can also find me at:
rachel@bringinguptheboss.com